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The Road Trips are Different

4/14/2005

Everything changes after MGB, including the “provisions” I pack for a day trip. Before my new life began, I had the road food routine down pat. I knew what to bring. Everything had its place. The travel mug of hot coffee and the liter bottle of Classic Coke were in the cup holders. The cigarettes and lighter were in the lid of the console. The chips, gummy bears or cookies were in a basket between the front seats.

Today was my first real day trip after MGB. What a strange change! The cup holders held bottled water and a shaker with 1 scoop of chocolate whey protein. The lid of the console held a few Saltines and a roll of Tums. The basket between the seats held a small bag of peanuts and a little cooler with 4 oz yogurts for my 10 AM and 2 PM snacks. It also held the bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a zip lock bag of vitamins.

It felt weird to not be smoking or sipping on coffee, two things I associate with long drives. I don’t really crave either one. It’s just a habit to fight off boredom. I sipped the bottled water and ate a few peanuts from time to time instead. I have completely given up coffee and smoking and I’m not having trouble with that, unreal as it may sound.

Now, these dietary changes bewilder friends and co-workers. I can understand that. In reality, I gained all that weight because I was not able to stick to a strict diet. It makes sense that I can’t stick to this, either, but this does not require any will. I simply am not hungry for sweets, pastries, pizza or junk food of any kind. I get hungry, but I am no longer out of control. I eat a few ounces, then I stop. It isn’t that I get full. I simply lose interest. Yes, it is weird. Yes, it is terrific.

I could have stopped somewhere for lunch, but I eat tiny portions and I waste a lot of food. I didn’t want to waste food or time today. When I got hungry for lunch, I pulled into a rest stop, added water to my whey protein, shook it up and enjoyed that with a few Saltines. That was enough.

As of this morning, I am down to 220.5. Almost in the teens! It feels and looks much better than being in the high 40s. I’m sitting at the computer with a silly grin on my face.

I finally told my sister today that I had done this. It was a difficult decision because I expected a lecture. Instead, I got a lot of questions, but so far, no negative comments. I feel stronger every day about myself and my rights. I think I am able to face anyone squarely who challenges me. That alone is worth the cost of this operation. My wounded self esteem is healing as my body changes shape. I’m liking this!

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