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Pre-Op through first month

4/28/2005

NIGHT BEFORE SURGERY

Well, I am in North Carolina, the day before my surgery and it almost seems like a dream. I am not really scared or nervous; it is a feeling that I am not sure has a name, maybe disbelief. I started this process in early December and had surgery scheduled for February 10th, but had to cancel because on the day we were leaving to drive to NC, I came down with the flu. So a month later, here I am! I took my dose of Milk of Magnesia today and I think that is when reality hit me…. this is really happening. We had a five-hour drive up here and it was a good opportunity for my husband and I to talk without life (phones, kids, TV, etc.) interrupting. We talked about our fears and the excitement of it all. We both are a tad bit nervous about the actual surgery, who wouldn’t be? I think he is more scared than I am; he has never had any kind of surgery before. I have had two major surgeries, once at the age of 17 and again when I was about 20. I am 36 years old now.

I am scared about the afterwards, how do you give up something that has brought you comfort and joy for so many years. But with that being said, I keep forgetting that you really don’t have to give up food, you just need to reconfigure it back into your life in a normal way. I once read something that someone who had an MGB wrote, “life with food doesn’t end after MGB surgery, it just becomes normal.” Unfortunately, I do not remember who wrote it, but I wish I could because it is something that I repeat to myself daily when I start to panic about life after surgery. I would like to thank them because it truly helps me.

That is my biggest concern, of course, I am thrilled that I am going to lose weight and look darn good again, but I have to be honest…FOOD (clearly not good food) has been my friend for the last sixteen years. It sustained me through a really bad marriage in my very early twenties, it helped me through the years of being a single mom after my divorce and then after that, food was just my buddy. It had helped me so much, why give it up when life had stopped throwing curve balls?

My weight gain has been a gradual thing, gaining slowly since I was about twenty or so. When I look back on my life and think about what my weight has held me back from, it is really sad. So maybe my buddy, FOOD, really hasn’t been my buddy. I think you can compare it to an alcohol or drug addiction or having a man/woman in your life that just drains you and you can’t even see it.

When I was a teenager and going through “teenage times,” my mom use to shove a plant in my face and ask me what I saw…dirt, stems and some leaves. Then she would hold the plant back from me and ask me what I saw…well, the whole plant, leaves, flowers, etc. I guess that is what they call stepping back and seeing the whole picture. That is how I am feeling about the surgery tomorrow, now that it is actually going to happen. I have stepped back and I can see my past, how my relationship with food has really not allowed me to live my life as I should have and how things need to change.

I am beginning to see the whole picture, being a healthy adult is actually going to be an attainable goal now and the whole picture looks really good. Do you know that I gave up a guest spot on THE OPRAH SHOW because of my weight? Definitely, a once in a lifetime opportunity that I let pass me by because of my weight. When I travel, sometimes I am in cities where I have friends and I won’t see them because they have not seen me since I have gained so much weight. How sad is that? These people are my friends, but I am embarrassed.

I refuse to let any more opportunities pass me by, it will not happen to me again. I am taking control of my life and MGB surgery is going to help make it possible.

Read more: http://www.highpointregional.com/blogs/entry.asp?i=1114733629109#ixzz1iQdU9uH4

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