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April 21st: Rolling emotions

4/21/2005

This has been a rough week. One of my employees gave her notice on Monday. There are only 7 of us, so when one leaves, it hurts the flow of work, adds to my burden to interview for a replacement (then take the time to train!), and every loss, I take as a personal failure. That brings me to the point here: my emotions are out of control. They are right out there these days. I am almost manic, going from elation to depression pretty quickly. I feel so raw! When the boys got eliminated at the end of Tuesday's "Amazing Race", I got all teary! I cry over sentimental country western songs. (And I don't normally even listen to C&W.) I'm sure I'd create a scene at the grand opening of a new Wal-Mart with my carrying on. A Campbell soup or Hallmark card commercial will turn on the faucet, for crying out loud! (No pun intended.)

I was warned this could happen, with all of the hormonal changes MGB brings on. I didn't think it would be much of an issue to me because of my age. I am 57, post-menopausal, so I figured my hormones no longer raged....or did much else. But here I am, finding I can sulk, cry, get my feelings hurt easily, have worse mood swings than I had as a teenager. I get angry fast, I have no patience, I get frustrated very quickly when I can't get mechanical things to go the way I want. Simple things like changing a toner cartridge can cause a meltdown. I have warned my employees that I am temporarily 15 again. I don't even have access to the usual (former) stress releases. I can't smoke, can't drink, can't pig out on my favorite comfort foods. The only thing that seems to help is exercise. Yikes! I never thought I'd say that! Pacing on the treadmill helps, as does weight lifting. But, at times, I just have to deal with my moods and keep working on whatever chore is in front of me. I have company coming tomorrow, so I have to finish laundry, clean the bathrooms and kitchen. Maybe I can turn floor washing into an aerobic form of exercise. This, too, shall pass. (I hope!)

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